Some ladies think they aren’t being abused simply because their boyfriend isn’t hitting them, and they aren’t walking around with broken lips and swollen cheeks.
Abusers don’t always get physical with their victims.
Sometimes, they resort to emotional manipulation to get what they want, exert control, protect their ego, or avoid taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
Manipulation is probably the worst form of abuse because it usually starts as something subtle and even “loving” or “an act of care.”
The victims don’t always recognise what’s happening until they fall deep into it.
If you’re in a relationship and wonder if your boyfriend is a manipulator, these signs can help you.
5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Manipulating You
1. He gaslights you
Your boyfriend minimises what you are feeling and makes you feel bad for feeling however you feel.
You may complain about how something he did or said made you feel.
He tells you, ” You are crazy,” “You are too sensitive,” or “You are just picking faults.”
When you hear this often enough, you might begin to believe it.
Gaslighting makes you doubt your sanity or what you know to be true.
If you feel unable to express yourself to your boyfriend for fear of being labelled “overreacting” or “too sensitive,” it’s a sign your boyfriend is manipulating you.
2. He lies to you and blames you for everything
It’s one thing to make mistakes and hurt your partner, and it’s another thing to own that mistake, recognise how much your actions hurt your partner, and apologize to them.
A manipulator never takes responsibility for his mistakes and errors.
Instead, he lies blatantly and insists so much on that lie that you may even begin to doubt yourself.
For every fault or mistake of his, he shifts the blame on you, and you’d have no other option than to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
I once listened to a friend who hated her dad so much for something he did to her mom when she was younger.
Her mom travelled for studies, and after some days, she returned and saw a strange female gown in the room she shared with her husband.
She knew he had invited a female friend in her absence, so she confronted him and asked who owned the gown.
He told her the dress was hers and insisted that it was hers so much that the woman started trying to remember when she bought the dress.
This is a classic example of a manipulative partner, and till date, this friend of mine hates her dad for manipulating her mom that way.
If you find yourself being so sure of something and yet so doubtful of yourself that you begin to believe what your partner told you, your partner may be a manipulative person.
3. He withdraws from you or withholds affection to punish you
A healthy relationship is one where both partners respect and try to meet each other’s needs and desires and offer as much support as they can.
On the contrary, a manipulative boyfriend cares about himself and his need.
If his needs are unmet, he isn’t getting what he wants from you at the time he wants it, or if you are doing something he doesn’t want you to do, he resorts to withdrawing from you and giving you the silent treatment.
He may also withhold the information he knows you need or withhold affection or even “sex” from you to punish you and get you to do what he wants.
It’s about him.
4. He uses threat or coercion to get you to do what he wants
I remember a guy I once told never to call me, he laughed and threatened to harm himself if I avoided his calls, and he was serious.
I was young and didn’t know what abuse and manipulation were, but I had seen enough movies to know that something wasn’t right.
A guy who threatens to leave you whenever you disagree with him and won’t go along with what he wants you to do or who threatens to hurt/harm himself to get you to do what he wants is manipulating you.
He knows you love him and are most likely desperate to have him to yourself.
So, he uses that perceived weakness he sees to manipulate you and get what he wants.
5. You feel lost in the relationship
It’s time to trust your gut and explore your feelings.
Being in a relationship isn’t just about spending time together.
It’s about spending quality time together, where you are yourself, not afraid to be vulnerable, happy, and at peace.
So I ask you, how do you feel in your relationship?
Do you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid conflict?
Do you feel lost?
Do you feel like you can’t find yourself?
Are you living your authentic life or just doing everything your partner wants or demands from you?
Do you find yourself doing stuff you’d ordinarily not do simply because your boyfriend wanted you to do it?
Do you find yourself unsure and full of doubts about yourself?
Do you find yourself frequently apologizing even when you know you did nothing wrong?
Do you feel frustrated, exhausted, and discontented with the relationship?
If your answer to two or more of these questions is affirmative, you are likely in a relationship with a manipulator.
Truthfully, if you are in a relationship with a manipulator, he will always have his way, and the manipulation will continue until you decide it has to stop.
What To Do About A Manipulative Relationship
Coming to terms with a manipulative relationship can be challenging, especially if your boyfriend’s manipulative behaviour is chronic.
However, it would be best if you protect your sanity, and below are recommendations on how to deal with it;
1. Admit you are being abused and manipulated
This is the first step to helping yourself.
You have to recognise you are being abused and manipulated before you can actively seek help.
2. Don’t minimise manipulation
Don’t act as if it isn’t a big deal because it is a big deal.
It is a form of emotional abuse, and it needs to be addressed.
3. Have a conversation with your partner
Consider having a direct and honest conversation with your partner to address the manipulation.
Be specific in describing the different ways he has manipulated you and how he has made you feel.
Observe him to see if he is open to working on their manipulative habits.
4. Seek help for yourself and your partner
If your partner is open to working on their manipulative habits, you can seek help and engage the professional services of a relationship coach, counsellor, or therapist.
However, if your partner insists on his manipulative behaviour and refuses to change or make adjustments, seek help to address and process how you feel and consider leaving the relationship.
Your life, mental health, and future are too precious to be sacrificed on the altar of a boyfriend who only cares about himself.