They say, “Love is blind.”
However, choosing a life partner cannot be done blindly.
Deciding on whom to marry is one of the most crucial decisions you will ever make in your life because it is a decision that may influence the rest of your life.
Because marriage is a lifelong commitment, it cannot be treated lightly, and most times, you may find yourself at crossroads when deciding on a partner.
To solve the dilemma that arises when choosing a life partner, people have resorted to several practices that help them make the choice.
Religious people pray to meet the right person and to have the discernment to know the person.
Some others believe in omens and signs.
These many ways actually point out the fact that many times, you can love someone who isn’t right for you.
Hence, the need to be sure you are making the right choice.
If you are in the process of deciding to marry, I will ask you to pause and take a minute to read this article before making your choice.
There are questions that every rational human must answer honestly before deciding to marry their partner.
The answers to these questions will give you an idea of how compatible you are with your partner.
Here are some of such questions to aid you in your decision making
8 Tough Questions You Must Answer Before Getting Married
1. Why do you want to marry?
This is a very important question to ask yourself before marriage.
There are many reasons for marriage.
You must know the reason you are interested in getting married.
Clarifying your intentions and motivation for marriage will help you realize if you may be rushing into marriage because you feel your biological clock is ticking or your parents want you to.
For some, it may just be a need to feel the security of a long-term relationship.
While for others, it may be birthed by a need to settle down.
The reason behind your decision to get married will help you decide if you need to take things slowly and truly meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with or if you need to proceed to answer other questions.
2. Do you love your partner?
This particular question may be considered by some people to be unnecessary because it seems illogical to want to marry someone you don’t love.
However, people marry based on a wide variety of emotions ranging from pity to fear.
Marriage should ideally be built on a foundation of true love between two partners.
A marriage that is devoid of love from the beginning is headed for the rocks.
This is one of the reasons why you must truly decide that you love the person you want to get married to before taking that last step.
Another reason why you must ask yourself this question is that emotions are fickle and may not be accurately defined.
What you think is love may turn out to be something else.
True love is the decision to love someone even when they do things that don’t please you.
It is beyond feeling butterflies in your belly.
This is why you must carefully introspect to discover the depth of your feelings for your partner.
3. Do your life goals correlate?
Marriage is a lifelong venture and you can’t afford to be tethered to someone going in the opposite direction for the journey of life.
This is why you must treat this question as crucial.
Life goals don’t necessarily mean career ambitions or financial aspirations.
It also includes decisions on where to live, if you want children or not, and if yes, how many you want.
If there is divergence on these sorts of goals, it is dangerous to proceed to marriage without resolving the situation satisfactorily.
You may be tempted to think that someone can change their life goals for you after marriage but don’t fall for this temptation.
It is important to ensure that you and your partner are agreed on these fundamental life goals before deciding to tie the knot.
4. Can you tolerate their flaws?
No one is perfect.
Everyone has their flaws and love doesn’t make you blind to them.
Before deciding to marry someone, you have to decide if you can live with their flaws.
Those flaws could be anything ranging from compulsive lateness, dirtiness, and dishonesty to bad temper and selfishness.
Hence, you must be able to tolerate the flaws of the person you want to get married to.
Ask yourself if you can live with those flaws without getting angry and resentful about them.
Ask yourself if you can live with those flaws without becoming violent yourself.
If you can answer these questions honestly, your next step to consider will depend on what your answer is.
You can try talking to your partner about those flaws to see if they are ready to change some of them.
People can improve but they have to decide they want to.
You can’t force your partner to change.
5. Do you share the same values?
Values are the foundational beliefs that determine our behaviors and reactions to situations.
Some of these values are religious beliefs, compassion, respect, loyalty, and humility.
Couples with similar values will find it easier to journey through life together.
It is a little challenging to be married to someone who has different values.
For example, it may be easier for you to marry someone who shares your religious beliefs than someone who doesn’t.
Finding a partner that shares your values will help you avoid several sticky situations that may come up later.
6. Are you financially compatible?
You don’t need to be the wealthiest person on earth to marry.
In fact, financial compatibility is about more than just how much money you and your partner have presently.
It is a question that involves your future financial goals as a couple.
Are your financial goals aligned?
Financial compatibility is about how you handle money.
Do you and your partner have similar attitudes to savings and investments?
What views do you hold on sharing expenses in marriage?
Do you want to share expenses equally or not?
Also, financial transparency is very important.
You and your partner must have completely disclosed your financial status to each other.
This includes disclosure of any debts owed by either of you.
Does anyone of you have a significant debt?
Can you cope with it?
All these questions must be answered before you decide to get married.
Don’t venture into marriage before doing this.
7. How well do you communicate with each other?
Communication is one of the major ingredients of a successful marriage.
Even in going about our daily activities, communication is key.
It’s even more important in a relationship because it is how you communicate your feelings to your partner.
When there is a breakdown in communication, conflicts occur.
To save your marriage from appearing like a reenaction of a warzone, you must honestly evaluate your communication with your partner.
Do you communicate effectively?
Can you discuss disagreements calmly without turning them into a quarrel?
Do you openly communicate your feelings with each other?
Effective communication with your partner will help you resolve most of the conflicts you will experience in your marriage.
This is why you must not overlook this particular question.
8. Are you sexually compatible?
This particular question may come last in this article, but it’s not the least important.
Sex is a major part of marriage and must be discussed between partners who are planning on marrying.
This goes way beyond physical attraction.
It includes what your sexual expectations are and what boundaries shouldn’t be crossed during sex.
It also involves discussing health issues that may hinder your sexual life and finding solutions to them.
All these will help you locate a partner that is truly compatible with you sexually and ensure that both of you find your sexual experience in marriage enjoyable.
Your religion may not support premarital sex, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t discuss your expectations with your partner before you get married.
Conclusion:
The questions above are not the only ones you have to answer before deciding on whom to marry but answering this will help you in making your decisions.
You should take time to ponder on each of these questions and give honest answers to them.
It’s okay if you don’t have answers to all the questions.
Answering the ones you can honestly should help.
I hope that this article helps you make the right decision.