You’re hanging out with someone every week, and you like how you feel after each hangout.
What’s not to like?
They’re cute, and your conversations flow naturally.
You love the occasional deep look in the eyes and can already see yourself hanging out more often and spending more time with them.
However, some weeks have passed, and you are still hanging out and going on dates.
No one has talked about defining the relationship, but deep down in you, you feel it’s time to put a name to what you two have been doing all the while, and you feel somewhat scared.
“What if this is one of those dates or flings for him?”
“What if she’s just interested in being taken to places, not me?”
Then as if there was a prior discussion, your partner looks into your eyes one evening and pops the question,
“Am I your girlfriend?”
“Am I your boyfriend?”
“Will you regard and describe me as your significant other?”
“What are we?”
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP OFFICIAL?
I have to tell you this.
If you feel it’s time to put a name to what you’ve been doing all the while, you should honor that feeling.
This is because, as intimidating as these questions sound, they can help you avoid guessing and being in a relationship limbo.
They can help you distinguish between casual fling or dating and being in a committed relationship.
So what does it mean to make a relationship official?
Making a relationship official can mean different things to different people, and this is because we are all unique individuals who have come from different backgrounds and with different and unique experiences.
For some people, going official usually involves calling someone your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner.
For others, going official means you’re ready to introduce the person you’re dating to your inner circle of close friends, family, and co-workers as your significant other.
For another set of people, it means reaching a mutual and conscious agreement on exclusivity and monogamy.
You start seeing your partner regularly and become highly involved in each other’s lives.
However, generally speaking, “going official” is when you consciously choose to be in a committed relationship with someone else.
Until the point of making this conscious decision, you may have been casually talking, hooking up, or going on dates — or not!
Regardless of what you’ve been doing with each other, going official means taking a new step forward in your relationship.
Making your relationship official with someone you’ve been dating means you’ve had a conversation to define your relationship and give it a name or a label.
Whatever stage you’re at, here are some things you need to consider before making the relationship you share with your partner official.
1. Do you have/share similar values?
First of all, what are your values?
What beliefs do you hold dear to your heart, and what makes those beliefs so unique to you?
Does your partner have values?
Do their values align with yours?
Are there areas of overlap?
How does it feel to compromise or meet each other at the center concerning one or two differing values?
You’ll need to consider and discuss these things on your journey to making your relationship official.
Most importantly, this is where many singles or dating partners get it wrong because they need to consider their values and beliefs.
Worst of all, some of them haven’t even taken time to reflect and know their values, but because of the deep need to be with someone, they blindly get involved in a relationship and decide to “go with the flow” or “see how it goes.”
Please be sure to know yourself and your values first, then see if your values align with your proposed partner’s.
2. Are you emotionally ready?
We can deny it all we want, but deciding to make a relationship official means being emotionally invested in your partner.
A romantic relationship affects every area of our lives, particularly our mental and emotional health.
You need to be able to remain strong and, at the same time, offer your shoulders to your partner when they cry.
Your partner’s emotions affect you, and it can involve a whole lot, a lot more than you can imagine.
I once read a book, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho, and something he wrote about making a decision struck me.
He wrote,
“Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone decides, he is diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first decided.”
When you decide to make your relationship official, you may not know it then, but you also choose to be emotionally invested in your partner.
The question is, “Are you ready? Is your partner ready?”
3. How do you feel about calling them your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend?
How do you feel when introducing them as your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Do you feel proud?
Do you feel happy?
Do you feel ashamed?
Does calling them your boyfriend make you feel uncomfortable and little?
These questions may sound silly and insignificant, and yes, feelings can be deceptive too.
However, feelings point to one, two, or more things in our hearts that we aren’t even aware of.
I once met a lady in a salon who came to get her hair done.
I didn’t know it at first, but the next day was her wedding day, and while she was getting her hair done, a short man I didn’t recognize walked into the salon and tapped her shoulder.
She sprang up, went outside, and spoke for some minutes with the man.
Then she came into the salon and mentioned he was her husband who would marry her the next day.
Her face showed no excitement, and she let out a deep sigh.
I immediately knew she wasn’t happy then and wouldn’t be pleased with that man.
Please consider how you feel when you think of him/her as your boyfriend or girlfriend.
It may be a pointer to an underlying issue you have yet to talk about.
4. Are you ready to be committed to your partner?
Ideally, a relationship requires a lot of work and commitment.
Can you show me a good and blossoming relationship, and I’ll show you that it’s a relationship where the two persons involved are committed to each other?
This is the most important thing to consider when making a relationship official.
It would be best if you were sure your partner is ready to be committed to you as much as you are to them.
5. Are you willing to put up with their flaws? To what extent?
This is because we all have flaws. We all have our unique strengths and weaknesses too.
It’s easy to get blinded during the honeymoon phase, but then, after the honeymoon phase comes reality.
We can’t hide our faults forever, and if there’s anyone who would be the direct recipient of the consequences of your partner’s faults and weaknesses, it’s you.
It pays to sincerely and objectively list and reflect on your partner’s faults and qualities because it will help you make an informed choice about making your relationship official.
Are there any red flags you’ve noticed — like immaturity, controlling behavior, promiscuity, or disrespect?
Are those faults relationship deal breakers for you, or can they be worked on?
Is your partner even willing to admit these faults and weaknesses and work on them?
How long and to what extent are you willing to put up with these faults and weaknesses?
Again, it is common at the stage of a relationship to hear statements like,
“He’s so perfect. I can’t even think of any fault he has that I don’t like.”
“She’s every man’s dream and so perfect the way she is.”
Listen, no one is perfect, and frankly speaking, if you can’t think of anything you don’t like about your partner, you should think of giving it some more time to get to know each other well enough to make an informed choice.
Getting involved in a relationship and deciding to make it official, whatever that means to you, isn’t just about putting a label on it.
It’s a big deal.
So, you’ll need to take the time and decide what going official means to you, talk some more, and consider some of these points to be well-guided in your choices.