I feel like I’m always putting in more effort than the other person, and it’s never enough.
It’s so disheartening to constantly be rejected.
Is there something wrong with me?
Do I need help?
I just don’t understand why this keeps happening to me.
All I want is a healthy, long-term relationship, but it seems impossible.
What should I do?
I’m starting to feel so alone and helpless.
Does this sound like you?
Don’t worry; let’s try to figure this out together.
You should know that most romantic relationships don’t last forever.
Regardless of the spin you put on it, some relationships will come to an end.
However, it is safe to say that almost everyone doesn’t want to fail at relationships.
This is evident in the fact that everyone dreams of having a wonderful relationship, and no one wants to see the end of anything wonderful.
It is not just enough to want a wonderful relationship.
You must work towards getting that relationship of your dream.
The first step to take to get the dream relationship you have envisaged for yourself is to consider your past relationships and understand the reasons they failed.
This may involve you asking yourself this very critical question;
“Why am I such a failure at relationships?”
Reflecting on the way reasons your past relationships failed may just be the key to unlocking a future that includes that dream relationship.
To help you work towards this goal, this article shows some of the probable reasons for your failed relationships in the past.
1. You possess different values
Many people get to know their partner’s values while dating them.
This is one of the commonest reasons why relationships fail when you are just getting to realize that your partner’s values are totally different from yours.
For example, one partner may have rigid religious beliefs while the other is liberal.
This sort of mismatch of values and ideals may cause relationships to fail.
However, the problem is that some partners don’t stay true to who they are and will end up changing their principles as time progresses.
This could be a major cause of conflict between you and your partner, leading to constant arguments and, eventually a breakup.
This is why it is very important to not rush into a relationship so as to avoid rushing out.
2. You have different goals
This is another factor that can adversely affect your relationships.
Even when couples are compatible, relationships may still fail if both of them want different things.
For a relationship to be long-lasting, it must be between two people who are headed in the same direction.
For example, two people can go into a relationship without knowing if they both want to have kids.
If one of them doesn’t want kids, it creates a debacle and harms the relationship.
Or your partner may be career oriented while you just want to build your family.
At the end of it all, you find that your relationship is fraught with tension.
This is why before going into a relationship, knowing your partner’s life goals is very important.
This knowledge is very crucial to how successful your relationship will be in the future.
This is why you must be as honest and as transparent as possible with your partner before embarking on a relationship.
3. You have a lingering fear of commitment
Any form of relationship is a commitment.
A long-term relationship is one of the highest forms of commitment ever.
It is a dedicated effort to build something beautiful and special with your partner that will stand the test of time.
Commitment in a relationship puts a burden of responsibility on you, and for some people, it is an unbearable burden.
The truth is; falling in love is not just about the goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach.
It also comes with a responsibility that motivates you to be a better version of yourself.
It comes with a responsibility to always be there for your partner.
This responsibility may prove to be too weighty.
It may be the source of lingering fear that holds you back from taking a leap into a real relationship.
Fear is natural, but your willingness to confront it is what will take you forward.
You may find it impossible to bear that responsibility, and the fact that you shy away from this will be the base of the failure in the relationship.
4. You are insecure
This is another major reason why your previous relationships have failed.
You are afraid to take risks and try new things, as you fear being judged or ridiculed.
You might even feel like you don’t deserve the kind of love that your partner is offering you.
These insecurities can weigh down on your shoulders, making it hard for you to take a step forward in the relationship.
Insecurity has never been an admirable and endearing quality in anyone.
Neither is it a helpful trait to be manifested in your relationship.
Relationships are built on trust.
If you have trust issues in yourself or are not even confident about the person you are, the kind of love you deserve and should experience, you will find yourself drifting from the relationship.
This can be overcome if you and your partner can be a lot more honest and transparent with each other.
5. Compatibility issues
If you always fall in love with people that are not compatible with you, this may be another reason why your previous relationships failed.
In the early stages of a relationship, the excitement may tempt you to ignore the fact that you and your partner barely have anything in common.
However, the initial excitement doesn’t last for long, and it is when the relationship begins to move at a sedate pace that you begin to notice that you and your partner have only a few things in common.
You must note that couples are not expected to have similar personalities.
They are expected to have complementing personalities.
With complementing personalities, every weakness becomes a strength and every strength waxes even stronger.
This is what makes a relationship work.
If you rush into a relationship without knowing the personality of your partner, you may find the relationship a little tedious if your partner’s personality doesn’t complement yours.
If you find that you don’t have too many things in common, then it is better to move on, for a relationship without chemistry won’t be able to last very long.
6. Aggressiveness
Aggressiveness may be another reason why you have failed at relationships.
Displays of aggression with little or no control don’t help a relationship grow.
It hinders communication and bonding.
If you notice that you have anger issues and your reactions to certain matters may be out of proportion to what is required, this is the exact reason you have failed at past relationships.
7. Communication Issues
Communication is the bedrock of any relationship.
Good communication results in a strong and successful relationship, while poor communication creates shaky bonds in your relationship.
Most of the problems that a couple may face in a relationship can be avoided by communicating with each other in an understandable way.
Honesty and transparency are virtues that improve relationships and ensure that they are long-lasting.
This can’t be attained except through sound communication.
When there is a breakdown of communication in the relationship, it leads to a loss of respect and trust.
If trust is lacking in a relationship, then the relationship can’t grow.
Hence, communication issues in a relationship can set off a series of unfortunate events in your relationship that will end up bringing down everything you have built.
After identifying all the reasons why you are a failure in a relationship, you may be wondering what to do about future relationships.
Briefly, I will be sharing some things you can do to improve future relationships.
How to Fix Your Relationship Life
Since you have discovered everything you did wrong in your past relationships, here are some of the things you can do to improve future relationships;
1. Note all the things you did wrongly.
2. Now, fix them by doing them rightly.
3. Work on your communication: your partner needs to know how you feel, what you are thinking, what you plan for the future, and so much more.
Never attempt to shut your partner out again.
Final words
In Life and relationships, we all make mistakes.
What defines us is not our failures but how well we learn from them.
Admitting you are a failure in a relationship is the first step to becoming a success at relationships.
The other steps?
They are all in the article above.
Cheers to a bright future with successful relationships.