”Why do I compare my boyfriend to other guys?”
Throughout history, people have compared themselves with other people.
In fact, comparison is something that can be traced to the children of the first couple, Adam and Eve.
According to the Bible, Cain killed his brother Abel because his sacrifice wasn’t accepted while his brother’s was.
Comparison!
However, regardless of how bleak this first example of comparison may be, it may be argued that comparison may have its advantages.
If this assertion holds any form of truth, we will confirm it subsequently in this article.
Try as much as you can, it is very difficult for people to stop comparing themselves with others or comparing their loved ones with others.
Growing up, I had to always come first in class or risk being asked if “the person that came first had two heads” by my father.
In his defense, I worked hard to be the best in class just to avoid hearing those words.
That’s the only positive impact of comparing two different people.
However, in relationships, comparing your partner with someone else may be having the wrong impact on your relationship.
It may therefore turn out to be a thing of worry for you.
But how do you stop doing something if you don’t know the reason why you do it in the first place?
This is the dilemma that most people face when it comes to putting an end to comparing their partners to other people.
This really goes to show that comparison is something that may turn out to be a subconscious action.
In this social media era, this is especially true for ladies.
There is this tendency to compare their boyfriends to other guys due to the constant exposure to images and videos of relationships from all over the globe.
While this behavior may seem harmless, it has several psychological implications that may harmfully impact your relationship.
If you fall into the category that wants to stop comparing your boyfriend to other guys because of its negative impact on your relationship, you need to first understand your motives for comparing them.
This article aims at helping you understand the possible reasons you compare your boyfriend with other guys.
This will also aid you in putting a halt to such actions if you have noticed the negative impact on your relationship.
Here are some reasons why you compare your boyfriend to other guys.
Why Do I Compare My Boyfriend To Other Guys
1. Inferiority Complex
Inferiority complex is one of the major reasons why people generally compare themselves to others.
It involves feeling like you are not good enough, hence, the need to try to measure up to other people.
When people have this inferiority complex, it not only makes them compare themselves to other people, but it also makes them compare their friends and lovers to others out there.
By comparing your boyfriend to other guys, you may be trying to seek validation to improve your sense of self-worth.
To know if this is the reason why you compare your boyfriend to other guys, your parameters for comparison are majorly physical or financial.
So you compare your boyfriend’s height, muscularity, handsomeness, and wealthiness to other guys you know.
This is just because you want validation from society.
You want to see if your boyfriend measures up to these other guys.
This harms the relationship because it puts undue pressure on your boyfriend to measure up.
It also leaves you intensely dissatisfied if he doesn’t measure up, hence, causing a rift to appear and widen in your relationship.
2. Insecurity
Another major reason why ladies compare their boyfriends to other guys is insecurity.
When a lady feels insecure in her relationship, she may begin to compare her boyfriend to other guys.
So, if you compare your boyfriend to other people’s boyfriends, it may be a sign that you are insecure in the relationship.
Perhaps you feel that he doesn’t express his love for you as romantically as you will prefer, so you may start comparing him with your sister’s husband who is very romantic.
This may also have negative impacts on the relationship.
If you have fears about your relationship, you should discuss them with your boyfriend.
Comparing your boyfriend to other guys in this situation may just end up worsening your fears.
3. Dissatisfaction
When I was a kid, I loved fried plantains so much that the days we ate this delicacy were like Christmas to me.
Whenever we were served food and I perceived that the pieces of plantain on my food were fewer than that of everybody, I would check their plates to confirm before I started wailing.
This sort of comparison occurs in relationships.
Sometimes, the only reason you are comparing your boyfriend with other guys is because you are dissatisfied with your relationship.
A lot of work goes into keeping relationships afloat.
Love may be a great starting point but great communication skills, quality time, intimacy and little expressions of affection go a long way in ensuring the success of the relationship.
If your boyfriend falls short in any of these regards, you may feel the irresistible urge to compare him to other guys.
The negative impact of this comparison is that the more you compare him to other guys, the more dissatisfied you get.
It gets to a point that you may find your resolve to stay in the relationship wavering.
However, if you still value your relationship, it is important that you share your complaints with him.
Express yourself to your boyfriend without being critical and together, both of you can explore ways to resolve this situation.
4. Unrealistic Expectations
The difference between this and genuine dissatisfaction is that you don’t have any reason to be dissatisfied in this case.
This kind of comparison is caused mainly by the glossy images and videos on social media, portraying relationships unrealistically.
These images, propagated by the media, end up creating a facade that we now buy into in our relationships.
You may find out that the only reason you are comparing your boyfriend to other guys is because of the unrealistic expectations you have conceived from the various social media platforms, TV, movies, and music shows.
This sort of comparison only has negative impacts on your relationship because most times, those expectations you have conceived can’t be met by anybody.
So, you may find yourself constantly on an endless cycle of dissatisfaction until you do away with those unrealistic expectations.
5. You Are Afraid of Settling
Sometimes our fear of settling for less or the illusion that there is somebody better out there can lead to comparing your boyfriend to other guys.
You may find yourself constantly looking for someone better because of the fear of missing out on somebody better and settling for what you already have.
However, this is a narrow-minded way of thinking because it overlooks what good qualities your boyfriend has.
In order to get over this, try to identify those qualities that attract you to him in the first place and remind yourself of why you are with him.
Final Words
We live in a world that is more like a global village.
Social media has many great advantages, however, it is important that we don’t get carried away by the flashy and glossy lifestyle that is advertised on social media.
Trying to be content with your partner and learning that the best way to resolve issues between you and your partner is by healthy communication will greatly help your relationship going forward.
Cheers!