Marriage is not a bed of roses.
Heck!
Even roses have thorns.
Every marriage has its ups and downs.
Even the seemingly ‘perfect’ couples have arguments and disagreements, and during these altercations, there are some hurtful words that can be said in anger.
Perhaps your husband has called you stupid during arguments.
Out of other hurtful words, it stood out and hurt you so much because it’s not the first time he’s called you that.
Now, you’re wondering, “Why does my husband call me stupid?”
Stay with me as we discuss the reasons your husband calls you stupid.
Why Does My Husband Call Me Stupid? -10 Reasons
1. You made a mistake
No one is above mistakes.
However, if your mistake caused great damage, your husband might have called you stupid out of anger.
In this case, his words are not assessing your intelligence.
Instead, he’s speaking out of annoyance.
I’m not trying to make excuses for him because there’s no justification for hurting our loved ones in any way.
I’m only saying that action and reaction are equal and opposite.
2. He feels unheard in the marriage
If your husband feels unheard in your marriage, it can be why he calls you stupid.
It’s just like him talking constantly, but nothing changes in the end.
It’s a case of him feeling that you don’t listen to or regard his opinions.
Anyone who shares his feelings and thoughts with you is making himself vulnerable to you.
That’s exactly what your husband is doing.
But if, after doing all that, he still feels that you ignore or outrightly wave aside his input or opinion, it can hurt him badly.
If he doesn’t get a hold of his emotions, he can lash out at you in anger and call you stupid.
Here, he’s speaking from a place of hurt because he feels you don’t value his input or opinions.
You can change the narrative by working on your listening skills.
Practice active listening whenever your husband is talking to you.
Ask questions where necessary.
It’ll show him that you’re listening to what he’s saying.
Even if you disagree with what he’s saying, validate it.
By doing so, he’ll feel more respected than when you outrightly disagree with or shove aside his opinions.
3. He’s transferring aggression
Another reason your husband calls you stupid is that he’s transferring aggression.
Perhaps something else got him angry, and you got caught in the line of fire.
Anger or stress about an issue can sometimes be misdirected to a different or innocent target.
Perhaps your husband is still upset over an earlier incident and might take it out on you intentionally or unintentionally.
If you’re surprised at how he suddenly switched up, you can ask him if there’s anything else he’d like to talk about.
If he’s honest with you and opens up about the real thing bothering him, addressing it will help stop it from manifesting as hurtful words to you or others.
While at it also express how hurt his words made you feel because his lack of emotional intelligence is inexcusable.
4. He was drunk
Your husband may be under the influence of alcohol if he calls you stupid.
Drinking tends to lower inhibitions, and in such a condition, loose and hurtful words tend to flow effortlessly.
If your husband called you stupid when he had alcohol, he was probably drunk.
The best thing to do is wait until he is sober and calm before having an honest conversation.
Tell him that his calling you stupid hurt you really bad.
Also, set boundaries on the limit of alcohol ingestion.
If his inhibitions are not lowered, there’s a low chance he’ll insult you.
5. He’s going through financial stress
One of the things that put a major strain on relationships and marriages is money problems.
Is your husband worried that you’re spending too much?
Is he worried about the bills piling up?
Perhaps the accumulated bills are greater than the money coming into the family.
All these may be bothering him and cause him to lash out at you.
You can have an honest conversation with him about the family’s finances.
Please talk about the money problems and accept that his concerns are valid.
Agree on a budget that you both can work with.
If you both can learn to be transparent with each other financially, you can avoid having major financial challenges in the future.
6. Absence of healthy communication
If your husband calls you stupid, then you both need to work on your communication skills.
There’s obviously an absence of healthy communication between you.
Most times, insults and name-calling occur when the communication pattern between couples is unhealthy.
When communication is unhealthy or poor, little disagreements and arguments that should ordinarily be waved aside will escalate into something more serious.
You can both work towards improving your communication skills.
It’ll help you understand each other better and live together peacefully.
7. You criticize him constantly
One of the reasons your husband calls you stupid is that you criticize him constantly.
Constant criticism can evoke feelings of frustration and anger in the recipient.
If you’re usually quick to pick on your husband, call him out, and criticize him, he may lash out at you impulsively.
He feels you’re criticizing him a lot and doing the little he can to get back at you.
You can change the tides by appreciating him instead of criticizing him.
Showing appreciation has never hurt anyone.
Instead, it opens more doors.
Appreciate your husband sincerely whenever he does something good.
Stop waiting for him to mess up, and appreciate the little things he does.
This way, you’ll balance out any bad blood between both of you.
8. He’s projecting his insecurities on you
Sometimes, if your husband calls you stupid, he’s probably projecting his insecurities on you.
If we’re being truthful, some of our opinions and thoughts come from our insecurities.
The same can be said about hurtful words, especially when they’re coming from a loved one.
It’s an extension of your husband’s insecurities.
He simply feels inadequate and is projecting it onto you all in a bid to feel more powerful and important and assert dominance over you.
You can help him get through this by reassuring him that he’s worth more than he thinks.
Remind him that his self-worth doesn’t have to be tied to any achievements.
You can also encourage him to see a professional therapist to help him navigate the issues of low self-esteem he struggles with.
9. He doesn’t respect you
You must’ve expected me to say this.
A man who calls you stupid has no sense of regard for you.
He thinks the lowest thoughts of you, so he resorts to name-calling.
This is a form of emotional and psychological abuse.
It starts with name-calling, and then someday, you begin to feel and act stupid because you have heard it long enough.
It is a toxic trait, and nothing justifies it.
Frankly, a man who lacks respect for you has nothing to offer in the relationship but toxicity.
10. He’s defending himself
If your husband calls you stupid, he probably did that to defend himself.
Perhaps you hurled insults and other hurtful words at him first.
In a bid to defend himself and retaliate, he called you stupid.
He did it because he felt attacked.
Exchanging words and trading insults don’t speak well about a relationship or marriage.
I suggest you both take breaks during conversations whenever they’re trying to turn into heated arguments.
If both parties are calm, you’ll be in better control of what you say and how you present them.