Have you ever met a man who constantly puts his wife down or, as Nigerians put it, “downgrades” her?
Well, I have, and it was irritating.
It felt as if he kept looking for opportunities to tell us that his wife wasn’t a good person.
I found it very toxic, and I doubted everything he had to say about her.
Not even one compliment or appreciation ensued from his buccal cavity.
Like it or not, this is the sad reality of many women.
They are married to men who see nothing good in them and look for every reason to project them as ungrateful, inept, wicked, and monsters.
If we’re being honest, anyone who puts you down constantly doesn’t mean well to you.
I mean, how can you constantly pull down someone you love?
It beats me!
Anyway, we will be discussing the topic “Why does my husband constantly put me down?” to help provide answers to you or anyone else in such shoes.
Why Does My Husband Constantly Put Me Down? – 8 Reasons
1. He’s out to hurt your feelings intentionally
One of the reasons your husband constantly puts you down is that he’s out to hurt your feelings intentionally.
Action and reaction are equal and opposite, but in this case, if there’s no action from you that triggered his response, then maybe he just wants to make you feel insecure in your skin.
He may enjoy seeing you yearn for his approval.
This looks very much like emotional abuse.
It could also occur if he is angry about something and is trying to get back at you for it.
Strange things are happening worldwide, particularly in the social media space.
Stories about husbands “washing their wife’s dirty underwear in public” (meaning publicly shaming their wives) have trended, with both parties giving each other clapbacks. Nigerians popularly call “gbas gbos.”
Whatever the root cause of it may be, it is unhealthy.
2. He’s doing it to feel more like a man
If your husband constantly puts you down, he’s probably doing it to feel more like a man.
What a jerk!
Usually, at the root of this is unhealed childhood trauma.
In fact, he may have grown up in a home with unhealthy sibling rivalry and had to do all sorts of things to prove himself; he may continue this pattern in adulthood.
He sees you as a competitor and will crush you to assert dominance.
This is also applicable in cultures that are misogynistic and delight in subjugating women.
Men who share these beliefs would always seek to assert their masculinity by putting down the woman.
Some may even go as far as beating the woman in public to show dominance.
Sad!
3. He’s an abuser
You’re probably married to an abuser if he constantly puts you down.
He doesn’t have to raise his hands on you.
Maybe he never has.
But there are other types of abuse, and verbal abuse is one of them.
The fact that he has never hit you doesn’t excuse his behavior towards you.
It’s just as damaging as him raising his hands on you.
He seizes every opportunity to rain abuses on you.
Before you know it, those words will start taking root in your mind.
They’ll start eroding your self-esteem, and if you keep hearing them (which is highly likely), you’ll start believing all the vile words that he says to you.
You’ll become convinced that you’re helpless, hopeless, unable to be or achieve anything by yourself, stupid, and unworthy of love and other good things in life.
The abuse will not stop because he has an insatiable desire to control everything about you.
He’ll continue on this path till you seek help (in the form of individual therapy, couples counseling, and anger management classes) for both of you.
And if you don’t, such cases usually transform into physical abuse.
4. He’s blaming you for the problems in his life
Your husband is possibly blaming you for the dissatisfaction he feels with his life, and that’s why he constantly puts you down.
Some people are fond of blaming every other person but themselves for their misfortunes.
Your husband may be one of such.
He may habitually put you down because he doesn’t want people to compliment or think well of you.
This is a reflection of his heart.
Does it mean that he is right?
No…. He is just being evasive and not taking responsibility for his issues.
You could suggest and insist on couple counseling if you still love and care about him.
His behavior won’t get better till he faces the real causes of his anger and deals with them head-on.
5. He’s projecting his low self-esteem on you
A man who doesn’t hesitate to put you down at every given opportunity probably has low self-esteem, so he’s projecting it on you.
People with low self-esteem usually lack even the basic self-love.
If your husband doesn’t love himself, neither does he feel good about anything going on for him; you shouldn’t wonder why he constantly puts you down.
It is sad that you have to bear the brunt of this when he puts you down.
It would be best if you applied wisdom and carefulness in this case.
He needs saving, but at the same time, you need your self-esteem intact while doing that.
Individual therapy and couple counseling will go a long way to help both of you get back on track and achieve a healthy relationship.
6. He’s a loser
Perhaps you’ve been married to a loser without even knowing it.
Losers don’t love themselves.
They prefer to wallow in misery and self-pity.
The worst part is that they’ll want to drag people around them down with them, and that’s exactly what your husband is doing, hence his constant behavior of putting you down.
He’s trying to degrade your mental health and well-being and reduce you to his level.
7. He’s unappreciative
One of the reasons your husband constantly puts you down is that he’s an unappreciative person.
He doesn’t appreciate you or your input in his life.
Some people are so full of themselves that they feel they are “the best thing since sliced bread” (meaning they think they are better than everyone else).
This affects how they respond to people around them.
They are so self-focused and proud that they never appreciate anyone else.
That explains why he is constantly putting you down.
8. He’s a narcissist
Your husband is probably a narcissist if he constantly puts you down.
He puts you down, apologizes, asks for another chance, gets one, commits an even worse offense (of hurting you), and still comes back to apologize and ask for another chance.
Rinse and repeat.
The cycle never stops, except when you take a stand and do something about it.
If you let him, he’ll keep putting you down, hurting your feelings, eroding your self-esteem, and making you feel less of yourself.
It appears that he has perfected the act of playing with your emotions.
He derives pleasure in watching you slave away while trying to please him.
On the contrary, he doesn’t do even the bare minimum to please or keep you.
You’re always on your toes and living on the edge to remain in his good books.
If you resonate with any of the reasons in this article, communicating your displeasure at being mistreated is the first place to start.
Your husband’s response will determine what you do next.
However, I advise you to encourage him to explore therapy, and you can see a professional counselor, too.
This may help fix the issues and get you back on track.
In the event that all efforts prove abortive, then you need to make a choice for your mental health and well-being.
I hope you choose well.