Seeing this title, you may be tempted to ask what an emotional affair is.
Ever been in a nonsexual relationship that involves the same level of emotional intimacy and bonding as a romantic relationship?
This is what it means to have an emotional affair.
You may believe that the lack of sexual intimacy makes it less dangerous than outright cheating on your partner, but it can have devastating impacts on romantic relationships and marriages.
Even if you haven’t been in one, I am sure you may have heard of one or possibly know someone who is having an emotional affair.
It is quite important to note that emotional affairs don’t always start as emotional affairs.
Rather, they start as friendships and then slowly evolve into deep emotional relationships that transcend the standards of a platonic relationship.
Usually, most people in emotional affairs do not intend the bonds of their relationships to go beyond the platonic.
However, there is a thin line and a slippery slope between close friendship and emotional affairs that you must navigate carefully to avoid a slip because emotional affairs may just be the starting point of your engagement in all other forms of illicit activities like extramarital sex.
If you have read the article to this point, you are probably wondering if you are also in an emotional affair.
If you are, here are 8 signs that indicate you are probably having an emotional affair.
8 Obvious Signs You Are Having An Emotional Affair
1. Constant communication
One great way to develop an emotional bond with someone you like is through constant communication.
This indicates an effort to stay connected and in touch with each other. If you find that you are constantly texting, calling, or messaging each other regularly outside of your regular social interactions, then there might be something more going on between the two of you.
When this kind of communication becomes secretive or happens late at night, it can be a sign that something else is in play.
Emotional affairs are characterized by frequent communication via calls, texts, or video calls.
You are wondering how this is different from the way you communicate with your close friends.
Well, the difference is that while you communicate with your close friends frequently, you probably do not do so at the expense of your partner, family members, and other obligations you may have.
If you find out that there is this one person that you can sacrifice anything just to get in touch with, you should realize that you have stepped across that thin line and you are now firmly residing in the “emotional affairs” zone.
You may even deprive yourself of sleep just because you want to communicate with this person even at odd hours.
2. Always in your thoughts
When a person takes center stage in your life, you find out you are constantly thinking about the person.
You may want to make excuses and say you think about your friends regularly, but you know when it is different.
You know that feeling you get when you are in love with someone, and you can’t help but always think of the person?
That’s the feeling.
The person you are having an emotional affair with instantly becomes the center of your attention.
You may find out that you have issues concentrating on other things fully because the person is always lurking in the background of your mind.
If this person is your first thought when you wake up, the last when you sleep, and comes up a lot in the interval between waking and sleeping, you are most likely in an emotional affair.
3. Unfair comparison to your partner
Comparing your partner to other people outside your relationship almost always harms the relationship.
It shows how dissatisfied you are with the relationship, sometimes rightfully so.
However, when you are in an emotional affair, you will find yourself comparing every single thing your partner does to the other person’s actions and behavior.
If you have that one person that you always have an irresistible urge to compare with your partner, you may just be in an emotional affair.
It gets even worse when you begin to resent your partner for not reacting to situations the way the other person would.
This also translates into you nitpicking to find flaws and weaknesses in your partner just to be able to criticize them.
When you begin to idealize a “friend” in this manner, it is a sign that you are in an emotional affair with that friend and most likely, you consider him a significant potential contender to be your future partner.
4. You spend more time together
Quality time is a great way to build a relationship, and if you find yourself spending so much of that time with someone else outside your relationship, you are possibly in an emotional affair.
When you find yourself spending more time with a friend or coworker at the expense of your partner, you need to be careful and try to define the nature of your relationship.
You may not even do it at the expense of your partner, but if you find that you are ready to drop everything you are doing just to be with someone, then you need to ask yourself what makes this particular person so special to you.
A moment of sincerity is what you need to truly answer the question.
Note that no one is saying you shouldn’t hang out with friends.
What you shouldn’t do is get so deeply attached to one person at the expense of your partner and other friends.
5. You share intimate information
One thing I have always stressed, especially for married couples, is that your spouse should be your confidant.
While physical intimacy may be a major factor that distinguishes romantic relationships from platonic relationships, other forms of intimacy should be treated as sacred.
Sharing information with your partner that you wouldn’t share with anyone else is a key sign of an intimate relationship.
If you feel comfortable enough to tell them about your deepest secrets and fears, then it’s probably more than just a friendship.
This could include sharing personal stories or even discussing future plans together.
You may also find yourself leaning on them for emotional support when you need it.
If you find yourself sharing deeply confidential information with one person.
Even information that you have kept hidden from your partner is a sign that you are having an emotional affair.
6. You try to look good for the person
If you find yourself dressing up or wearing special makeup to impress the person, this could be a sign of an emotionally intimate relationship.
When you start planning for what to wear or spending extra time getting dressed up before meeting a particular person, it is a sign that you are trying to make a good impression.
It’s natural to want to look your best for someone that you’re attracted to, but if you’re going above and beyond what you would normally do for a platonic friend, it may be a sign of something more than friendship.
We only really try to make good impressions on people we care about deeply.
It could be a sign of an emotional affair if you’re going out of your way to look nice for someone outside your relationship.
If you find yourself making an extra effort to look good in hopes that the other person will find you attractive, you need to examine your motives.
Something’s not right somewhere.
7. Intimacy decreases with your partner
Intimacy helps the bond in relationships to grow stronger, and if you find out that your intimacy with your partner has been reducing since you started spending more time with a certain person, you may be having an emotional affair.
This is especially true if you find yourself daydreaming of intimacy with this other person.
It’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner about how you feel in order to move forward and rediscover intimacy with them.
Otherwise, it can become a heartbreaking cycle of unmet expectations.
8. You hide the “friendship” from your partner
There’s no greater evidence of wrongdoing than this.
From experience, only guilty people attempt to hide things.
If you find out that your partner knows all your friends except this particular “closest friend” of yours, then you need to sincerely examine your motives.
If you feel that your partner won’t understand the “friendship” or might be jealous, then they may have reasons to be jealous or skeptical of this special “friendship” of yours.
Final Words
If the above signs indicate you are actually having an emotional affair, you need to realize that it is dangerous and may harm your relationship.
You need to begin to establish boundaries in that friendship of yours.
Clearly define the friendship and ensure that your friend understands that there won’t be any compromising on the new standards.
If your friend makes doing this difficult, you shouldn’t hesitate to put an end to that “friendship.”
Cheers.