A friend of mine ended a traumatic relationship last year.
At that time, she confided in me that it was the most horrific experience in her life.
She even intimated to me that she needed a long break from relationships to heal from the wounds inflicted by her last relationship.
That was last year.
This year, in a deep conversation, she opened up to me and said, “You know I said my last relationship was toxic?… Well, I realized a few weeks back that I was actually the toxic girlfriend in the relationship after a lot of introspection*.
I was awed by this declaration because it takes a lot of strength to be honest with yourself.
The honesty was necessary, though.
Before then, she had been angry and hurt because she felt she had been mistreated.
Now, she is spending her time developing herself and preparing for a future that will hopefully hold no toxicity.
A relationship is a two-way street, and every partner has their input.
Most of the time, the toxic girlfriend is not fully conscious of her behavior until it gets too late.
This may be why you may have found yourself in many terrible relationships that ended badly.
To prevent this from happening in the future, a little bit of introspection should be considered.
You don’t know how to go about it?
Don’t worry about it; this article aims will help you by listing the possible signs that can mark you as a toxic girlfriend.
8 Signs You Are A Toxic Girlfriend
1. You manipulate your boyfriend
If you find out that you are never at fault for anything that goes wrong in the relationship, you should read this particular part extra carefully.
A major sign of a toxic girlfriend is that she always blames her boyfriend for everything that goes wrong in their relationship.
If you can never be wrong or you find it hard to accept that you did something wrong, it is a sign that you are a toxic girlfriend.
It gets even worse when you gaslight him just to make him feel guilty over something he didn’t do or to make him question his memories.
It may even be something as seemingly innocuous as telling him that he is overreacting when you know that your actions deserve such a reaction.
If you discover that you have been doing all these, then you absolutely fit the bill of a toxic girlfriend.
2. You control and monitor him
Accountability to a partner is one thing; obsessively tracking his whereabouts and trying to control every aspect of his life is another thing entirely.
If you discover that you monitor everything your boyfriend does in his social life, you need to know that this is not a healthy trait.
You have so much control over how much time your boyfriend spends with friends and family.
You even feel like his career decisions are yours to take.
Another sign that you are a controlling partner is that you don’t give him breathing space.
You are always with him, invading his privacy and sticking your nose in all his business.
If you do all these, it’s a sign that you are a toxic girlfriend.
3. You don’t support him
One of the major perks of being in a relationship is the ready-made support system that comes with it.
Partners are meant to support each other to grow and develop.
If you don’t inspire your partner to be the best version of himself, you are already fumbling the ball.
A toxic girlfriend rarely supports her boyfriend.
If you find that you rarely support and encourage your boyfriend’s personal growth, it’s a sign.
Sometimes, even when you do support him, it feels more like you are roleplaying than actually supporting him.
If you mock or dismiss his motivation to grow and achieve great things in life, it’s a telltale sign that you are a toxic girlfriend.
You may be exhibiting such dismissive behavior because you consider his drive for self-improvement a threat to the relationship, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is a toxic behavior to exhibit.
Instead, you should his drive for self-improvement as a motivation to improve yourself.
4. You are always critical
Don’t get me wrong, a little bit of healthy criticism is good for the relationship.
It helps both partners see that there is always room for improvement.
However, a toxic girlfriend is often critical, making her boyfriend feel unworthy, often.
If you notice that you do this a lot, especially during arguments, you may need to stop to consider the effect that those words will have on you if he was the one aiming them at you.
Have you, or do you only seem to see his faults and flaws?
This is another major sign of a toxic girlfriend.
5. You compare him with others
No matter what he does to express his love for you, you just seem to never acknowledge his efforts.
Nothing he does satisfies you, and you can’t just stop yourself from seeing how much other people’s relationships are better off than yours.
You are so swayed by glossy social media posts and photos that depict what you think are ideal couple goals that you don’t seem to appreciate the efforts he puts into the relationship.
Comparing your boyfriend to couples on social media is unrealistic and unhealthy for your relationship.
It is a sign that you bring a lot of toxicity into the relationship.
6. You are clingy
Clinginess may seem romantic at the start of the relationship, but the novelty of it wears off with time.
Then, at that point, there is nothing cute about your clinginess.
If you notice that you can’t stand the idea of your boyfriend spending his time with anyone else, it is not a good sign.
If you get upset when he wants to spend time with family, friends, and colleagues, it is another sign that you may be bringing a whole load of toxicity into the relationship.
Attempting to isolate your boyfriend from his friends and family is a highly toxic thing to do.
7. You don’t communicate well
If you find out that your go-to response for any conflict between you and your boyfriend is the silent treatment, it is a sign that you may be a toxic girlfriend.
Communication is required in a relationship for it to be successful and if you don’t communicate when you are hurt to your boyfriend, how do you expect him to know and improve on himself?
If you have expectations that your boyfriend isn’t meeting, it is better if you open up to him about it than clamming up.
The silent treatment is the default tool of a toxic girlfriend.
8. You have trust issues
Trust is the bedrock of every wonderful relationship.
You can’t trust your partner?
Then your relationship might be going nowhere.
If you feel jealous of his female friends and can’t have rest of mind when he is alone in the company of one of them, it is a sign that you need to take note of.
Because of this unease you feel, you always feel the need to invade your boyfriend’s privacy, constantly checking his phone and monitoring him.
If you find yourself getting jealous and insecure every time your boyfriend hangs out with a female friend, it is a sign that you have insecurities you need to work on.
Final Words
The first step towards therapy is admitting you have a problem that needs to be solved.
This requires a great deal of honesty.
However, to aid you in your introspection, the signs above will guide you.
One of the ways to honestly introspect on this matter is to imagine how you would feel if you were at the receiving end of the signs above.
If you find that you are truly exhibiting toxic vibes in your relationship, then you need to work on it.
Communicate with your boyfriend and let him know that you know how you make him feel when you do the things you know.
Work with him to improve your relationship, and never forget to appreciate the little things he does to keep the relationship moving.
I am rooting for you!
Cheers!